Wiki Leaks confirms that Listening to Doors To No Where makes you level up to outrageous levels of badass.
World leaders concerned on the threshold of badass being broken.
By Bert Berttle• 11/7/16
For many years Doors To No Where which features Marc Lewis on guitar/vocals, Sean Sanford on bass/vocals and Pete Testorff have been delivering high levels of badass through their high octane beard melting rock n roll. The captain of The FBI’s bad ass control unit Richard Leaker previously claimed that Doors To No Where was on their radar as a possible instigater of pushing pure free range organic badass to highly dangerous levels. “We must keep bad ass levels down and under control” Richard said in a recent briefing. He later went on to say he prefers to be called Dick.
Unfortunately for the government and the FBI bad ass control unit Doors To No Where recently released a new album titled The Haunting. Wikileaks recently posted emails between Mr. Leaker and president Obama stating “this album is so powerful with levels of badass we can no longer control it.”
According to Facebook users, listening to The Haunting makes them feel uncontrollably good and filled with high levels badass! We also know that anything said on Facebook is pure fact. I mean, that’s simple science.
According to another document recently released through Wikileaks high ranking officials are extremely concerned that the public will gain access to htwtp://doorstonowhere.bandcamp.com/album/the-haunting and download Doors To No Where’s The Haunting for only 5 dollars. The document also disclosed information that proved that the U.S. Government tried to stop Doors To No Where By sending in Chuck Norris to ninja kick Their new album. In a classified report obtained in the deep black web (my space) high ranking army general Chester Butterfield stated that the mighty Chuck Norris was no match for that level of badass! Butterfield stated that the “beard melting riffs on The Haunting shaved Mr. Norris beard to nothing but his awkward ginger skin leaving him powerless.”